


We are more than our mistakes

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 07:10:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17483552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: This is going to be contentious!! When Aaron cheats on Robert for a one night stand, how can they repair their marriage? I was struck by the idea and it wouldn't let go, so I've just run with it. I know this isn't going to be popular, so if Aaron cheating isn't your thing, please don't read!





	We are more than our mistakes

Robert knew Aaron was cheating. He knew it more than he knew anything else in his life. Aaron’s guilt was flaring up in day to day life, that was clue one. Or was it the no sex for two months now? Was that the first clue? Robert was too tired to put it all together, it was just a feeling he had in his gut. He also knew that when it came to cheating, he didn’t even have a leg to stand on. He just wished Aaron would tell him. At least give him that courtesy.

It was when they were having dinner one night, him, Aaron and Liv around the table, Seb and Annie both asleep upstairs that Robert cracked. He just wanted to know at this point. Know how much his heart would break into tiny pieces.

“Aaron will you please just tell me,” Robert said, voice low as he looked at his plate, not even remembering the last time he’d been hungry. He’d been going through the motions for ages now.

“Tell you what?” Aaron asked, and even though his tone was level, his hunched shoulders and darting eyes gave him away.

“I know,” Robert said. “If you’re going to leave me, just leave me.”

“Should I…?” Liv asked, looking between the two men. She grabbed her plate and fork and retreated upstairs as fast as she could.

“I don’t want to leave you!” Aaron said, brow furrowed.

“You don’t?” Robert asked, hating himself for how much that meant to him. “Then why did you sleep with someone else?”

Aaron looked at him, hurt and regret in his eyes and Robert knew he was right. He pushed his dinner away and got up from the table, leaning against the kitchen counter, anywhere not to face Aaron. His husband, the love of his life had had sex with another man.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” Aaron said lowly. “It’s not an affair, never an affair.”

“But you did sleep with someone else,” Robert said, talking to the countertop.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “I’m so sorry.”

Robert breathed in deeply several times. “Who?”

“That’s what you want to know?” Aaron said.

“Well, I’d ask when but I’m pretty sure I already know that.” 

“How?”

“We’ve not had sex in two months,” Robert said. “You won’t even touch me these days.”

“It’s because I feel…”

“Guilty,” Robert said. “I know that, I see it every time I look at you, that’s how I know. You didn’t give yourself away, I didn‘t find any texts or photos or anything. It was just looking at you. I know you, Aaron. I know you better than anyone else in the world.” Aaron put his hand on the centre of Robert’s back, trying to comfort. “Don’t touch me,” Robert said, shrugging him off.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I want to know exactly what happened,” Robert said. “Why you’d decide to ruin our marriage?”

“I don’t want our marriage over,” Aaron said firmly. “I love you.”

“Thinking of that when you fucked someone else?” 

“Were you?”

“I am always going to have that thrown in my face,” Robert said, shaking his head. “I will always hate what I did when I was drunk and hurting, just so I could hurt you. You know that. What, is this payback?”

“No, Robert,” Aaron said. 

“You know how much I hate what I did,” Robert said. “I hurt me, I hurt you, and the knowledge that I’m going to have to tell Seb one day what I did feels like punishment enough. You just decided to pour more hurt on top of it?”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“What else is there?” Aaron said quietly. Robert admitted he had a point. Not much really to say.

“I need some air.” Robert grabbed his jacket and keys and left the house, Aaron saying nothing and letting him go. Once Robert had gone, Aaron let the tears fall. God, he was such an idiot.

* * *

 

Robert walked in to the pub, and Chas looked at him surprised. “Can I have a word in the back?” She nodded and they went through, Chas clearly alarmed. “Can I kip on your sofa tonight?” Robert asked.

“Er… yeah?” Chas said. “What’s happened?”

“Me and Aaron had a argument,” Robert settled on. “I don’t want to ruin Vic’s date night, and Diane’s away. I can’t go home.” Robert swallowed. “I’ve got nowhere else to go.”

“Of course you can,” Chas said. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“No,” Robert said.

“Give me something, Robert,” Chas said. Robert didn’t want to tell her, because he didn’t want to admit it out loud. He knew he wouldn’t leave Aaron over this, he couldn’t. So he didn’t want everyone to know, to either pity him or laugh at him.

“We’ve had an argument and I need some time to cool off before I face him,” Robert settled on. “He’ll know I’m not going home tonight.”

“You’ve hurt him again?”

“No, Chas,” Robert said. “He’s perfectly capable of hurting me too.”

“I’ll get you a duvet,” Chas said. Robert nodded his thanks.

* * *

In the morning, Aaron started hammering on the back door to the pub, wanting to talk to Robert. He’d already dropped both kids off at Vics, so he knew Robert wasn’t there. Eric had said he wasn’t at the B and B either.

“Is he here?” Aaron asked, when Chas answered the door. She put her arm across the door frame though.

“Do one of you two want to explain what’s happening?” she asked.

“Is he here or not?”

“Yeah.” Aaron pushed past her to find Robert in the kitchen. He looked like he’d slept as well as Aaron had.

“I’m not up for this,” Robert said heavily. “Where are the kids?”

“Vics,” Aaron said. “They’re safe. Said you were on a business trip.”

“Good at lying,” Robert said before he could stop himself.

“What’s going on?” Chas asked.

“You didn’t tell her?” Aaron asked Robert.

“Of course I didn’t,” Robert said. “Can't do anything to make you look bad.”

“Robert, I’m sorry,” Aaron said. Chas knew she was out of place, but she almost couldn’t leave, like a car crash she couldn’t look away. She left the room, but she kept listening at the door. She couldn’t help herself.

“Why?” Robert said. “Just tell me why.”

“I don’t have a good reason,” Aaron said. “It wasn’t anything. It was five minutes.”

“Oh, I am flattered,” Robert said sarcastically.

“It meant nothing,” Aaron said.

“It meant something for you to do it in the first place,” Robert said. “Just talk to me.”

“I can’t,” Aaron said, voice very quiet. “Because I’m afraid you’ll leave me.”

“I can’t leave you,” Robert said. “You’re the other half of me. I’ll love the bones of you for the rest of my life, I always will. But this hurts, Aaron. I’m not going to pretend it’s all okay.”

“I know,” Aaron said. “I love you.”

“Tell me what happened,” Robert said. “I just need to know, so I can push a hundred images out of my mind.”

“Okay,” Aaron said, sitting down at the table, Robert leaning against the kitchen side. “It was erm… when Ellis and I went on that overnighter, remember?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “I remember.” This didn’t surprise Robert, it tallied up with when Aaron’s guilty face started becoming a regular occurrence.

“We got the stuff packed up in the truck,” Aaron said. “I wanted to show Ellis how to do it, so the next time he can do the overnighter on his own.” Robert didn’t say anything, he knew this. “We went to a club. Ellis wanted a night out, and I wasn‘t complaining. Better than a boring hotel room.”

“You didn’t have a problem with hotel rooms with me.”

“It was more you than the room I liked,” Aaron said. “Anyway, it was fine. It was good to have a night out.”

“What, a night saddled with no husband, no kids.”

“Yeah, all right?” Aaron said, Robert getting to him. “For one night it was nice being no ones boss, being no ones dad, having no responsibility for once. I didn’t plan it.”

“Then what?” Robert asked. He knew it would hurt, but he needed to hear it.

“Then… this guy looked at me at the bar,” Aaron said. “I didn’t think anything of it. It’s not like I took my wedding ring off, you know I would never do that.”

“I thought you’d never sleep with someone else,” Robert said. “I’m doubting what I know you’d never do.”

“Fair enough,” Aaron said heavily. “Ellis was just having fun with a group of lads, dancing and having a good time, looking at the girls. I just watched propping up the bar. I don’t dance.” Robert hated how that memory felt right now. “The guy came over to me. I’m not going to lie, it felt good to have that attention.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t look at me like that any more,” Aaron said.

“Of course I do,” Robert said. “When we’re busy with our kids and jobs and our lives and the bills, I don’t always have the time to tell you how gorgeous you are. How you make my world stop. But when we’re alone, you know I look at you like that. I’ll always want you, Aaron. You just don’t want me.”

“Of course I do,” Aaron said. “I still want you.”

“Then why?”

Aaron sighed. “I was stupid,” he said. “I don’t want to throw us away.”

“What happened next?”

“You don’t want to hear it.”

“No, I really do,” Robert said firmly.

“He bought me a drink,” Aaron said. “I enjoyed the attention. In that one moment on that one night I enjoyed being looked at and wanted by someone who knew nothing about me. It wasn’t home, I wasn’t surrounded by villagers judging me, we were just two strangers and that was it.”

“Then what?” Aaron hesitated. “Come on.”

“We had sex in the bogs,” Aaron said. “It just happened.”

“It didn’t just happen, you made a choice,” Robert said.

“So did you,” Aaron said, not accusing, just matter of fact. “With Rebecca.”

“So what, now we’re even?” Robert asked. “It doesn’t work that way.”

“No,” Aaron said. “But I forgave you.”

“In the end,” Robert said. “Yeah, you did. Which was more than I ever deserved, and I told you that at the time. It took a year, Aaron. It took a year of my heart breaking every time I looked at you and knew you weren’t mine.” Robert was crying and he didn’t want to be, so he took a few deep breaths. “I don’t want to waste a year with this hanging over us.”

Aaron paused. “There is an us then?”

“Of course there is. As long as we’re both alive, there will always be an us. You think I can let you go? I never knew how to do that.” Aaron’s eyes filled with tears and he brushed his face impatiently. “How long did it take for you to regret it?”

“Thirty seconds,” Aaron said. “I went back to the hotel, I didn’t even wait for Ellis and I had a very long shower, but I couldn’t get clean.”

“And that’s why you’ve not been able to look at me.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “It did mean nothing.”

“What was his name?”

“Robert…”

“Come on!” Robert shouted, snapping. “What was his name?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said, looking down.

Robert let out a brief huff of a laugh. “You threw us away for a cheap fuck, and you can’t even remember his name?”

“I never knew his name,” Aaron said. “I don’t think we even shared five words.” They fell into silence.

“Okay,” Robert said, sitting opposite him. “So are we going to do comparisons with Rebecca then? Make us even?”

“Don’t…”

“No, come on. Play fair. You’ve got to put up with Seb every day after all. Maybe I deserve it.”

“Don’t you dare!” Aaron shouted. “You know I love that little boy. Yeah, it bloody hurt to see the proof that you slept with someone what… three weeks after we got married? It hurt Rob! I’ve never blamed Seb for that and you know I never would.”

“I do know that,” Robert said, relenting. “I never slept with her because I wanted her. I slept with her because I was drunk, and I was hurting, and you’d pushed me away and you said we meant nothing to each other.”

“I know,” Aaron said. They’d been over it often enough anyway. “Since we got back together, I’ve never held that against you.”

“Convenient card to play now, though, isn’t it?” Robert pushed. “Was he any good?”

“Robert, don’t do this.

“Get something from him you weren’t getting from me?”

“No!” Aaron snapped. “No, all right?! He was just… there.”

“Aaron, I need you to leave,” Robert said calmly. “I need time, I’ll be home tonight.”

“Will you?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Can you deal with the kids today? I don’t… think I’m up to it.”

“You okay with me having Seb?”

“I’ve always trusted you with him,” Robert said simply. Aaron nodded, took a risk and squeezed Robert’s hand in passing. Robert looked at his fingers, wanting to hold onto the brief touch until he was gone. Chas came in a few seconds later.

“Heard all of that, did you?”

“Yeah, kinda,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Robert shook his head and collapsed onto the sofa. “I never thought he would,” Robert said. “That… that thought wasn’t something I had to worry about, because it would always be me, right? If one of us was going to cheat, it was obviously going to be me.”

“He is an idiot,” Chas said. Robert looked at her. “Yeah, he’s my son. But I can still call him an idiot.” Chas squeezed his shoulder, then left him alone for which Robert was grateful.

* * *

 

Half an hour later he got a text from Liv. _“Aaron’s at the yard if you want to get a change of clothes or something.”_ She was even being polite, so Robert knew it was serious, but yeah, he could do with a change of clothes, even on the off chance Liv was lying. He went back to the Mill and opened the door carefully, wanting to avoid Aaron. Not forever, just for now.

“He isn’t here.”

“Good,” Robert said. “Thanks for the text.” Liv forced a smile but she didn’t look happy.

“Are you two breaking up?” she asked.

“No,” Robert said firmly.

“But…” Liv started confused.

“You caught on then, last night?”

“Would you listen in if you were me?” Liv said and Robert nodded. Yeah, of course he would.

“We’re not splitting up,” Robert said firmly.

“But Aaron…”

“Is an idiot who I want to strangle right now,” Robert said offhand. “I’m angry, I’m hurt and I’m upset. But I’m not getting rid of him, I can’t.”

“Oh,” Liv said. “Okay.”

“I am so pissed with him,” Robert said. “But I love him, and he loves me, so we’re not giving up. Don’t worry about losing your home set up, okay?”

“Right,” she said, though she wasn’t convinced. 

“Hey, I shouldn’t have brought it up last night when you were there. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not the one who should be apologising.”

“Don’t fall out with your brother,” Robert said. “Not over this.”

“He cheated on you.” Even though Robert knew this, hearing it said out loud stings.

“Yes. Which we will deal with.”

“Just not today?”

“Not today,” Robert agreed. “I need a shower.” Liv nodded and left him to it.

* * *

 

Robert found himself standing on the bridge of the river, looking into the distance. He’d never been on the receiving end of this before. Cheating. A dirty word, but then it matched his mood really. Just sex. He’d said that so often to his partners. Well, that didn’t mean that much when someone was doing it to you, did it?

“I can go.” He turned and saw Aaron. From the look on his face, he’d not come looking for him, just a place to think.

“I miss you,” Robert said, that was the most overwhelming feeling. “It’s not so much the cheating. Or it is, because God that hurts. But… You don’t look at me, you don’t laugh with me, you definitely don’t touch me and it’s been months. Our marriage has been falling apart and I’ve not known why.”

“I should have come clean,” Aaron said, falling into step next to him, looking over the river. “I wanted to bury it, forget it had ever happened and not say a word.”

“That worked well,” Robert said and Aaron huffed. “Did you take your shirt off?”

“What?” Aaron asked, completely bewildered.

“When you had sex with that random guy,” Robert said. “Did you take your shirt off?”

“Why does that matter?”

“Because I had to earn your trust to see you like that again,” Robert said. “Just answer the question.”

“Er… no,” Aaron said. “No I didn’t. I don’t really… think about it much apart from how filthy I feel.”

“Have you…” Robert shook his head. “I’m sorry, I’ve got to ask. Have you got texts or photos or anything?”

“No,” Aaron said. “It wasn’t like that, it was quick and dirty, and…” He sighed heavily, one Robert echoed.

“I don’t like that you couldn’t talk to me,” Robert said.

“I love you too much,” Aaron said. “Any possibility that it’d be over… I couldn’t take it. I’d lose my family, my home, the love of my life for a stupid mistake.”

“I’d never take the kids from you,” Robert said.

“Seb’s not just yours to keep from me, though,” Aaron said. “That’s not the point, I just… God, I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Robert said. Robert slowly reached across and took Aaron’s hand, squeezing. Aaron sniffed, trying to hold back the emotion, lacing their fingers together.

“Are we going to make it?” Aaron asked.

Robert didn’t answer straight away, weighing it up. “Yeah,” he said. “I love you and I believe you love me.”

“I do,” Aaron said. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” Robert pressed a tiny brief kiss to Aaron’s lips. “We’ll make it. It‘ll take time, but… I miss you. I just want you back. I want you to be mine again, not continually pulling away from me.”

“I want that too.” Robert shifted, and pulled Aaron into his arms, holding him close as they both looked across the river. They didn’t speak, but right now they didn’t need to. For the moment, it was enough to have that tenuous reconnection, to hold each other. They weren’t fixed, not even nearly, but the want to repair their marriage was there. It would take time, but neither of them were the type to give up.


End file.
